Pictures from Alicia

To go with her recent stories.






To go with her recent stories.

For Dario, From Alicia

I came to NYC to visit Anna when Dario was about 8 months old. I couldn't believe how beautiful he was with his big long eyelashes. We spent a lot of time just lounging on the bed with Ruby--all three of us snuggling Dario. Ruby loved Dario so much and would say things like, "Dario is the best name ever!" She was really good with her brother, she seemed to love the role of snuggly cuddler and big sister protectress.

Anna told me that when she when the doctors told her about Dario's heart condition she thought to herself, "my life will never be the same again."

I was really impressed with Dario's class at Bank Street. Anna put Dario in the baby front pack and off we went to catch the bus, Ruby dancing ahead of us the whole way in her rainbow skirt and "Dump Bush!" t-shirt. Dario sat in the circle with Anna and sang the welcome song. He was only eight months old! but he clearly loved school and I remember how Anna would breast feed him in the back room. When we left him at school he was in the little croissant pillow propped up and when we came back he was the still propped up clapping his hands and having a grand time! It had been over four hours!

Anna loved being a mom so much.

For Hanukkah she told me she lit the candles on her bicycle-menorah with the kids and said a funny blessing: "Baruch Hanukkah biking candles shalom" -- something like that.

When we were in college Anna was doing some kind of college service work for whatever reason and it involved having lunch with potential students who were visiting for the day. I remember that she was really impressed by one girl whose mother had died when the girl was very young. Anna was impressed by how serious, mature, and strong she seemed. After their lunch Anna really wanted to talk about the girl and how she'd been so moved by her. Anna linked the girl's impressive integrity to the death of her mother and having to go through that at such a young age. I think that was pretty unusual--for someone to make such an impression on Anna. I think about it now and think about how proud Anna would be of Dario and Ruby--and of course Chiq. For how brave they are. And I hope it will give the kids the diamond pure strength and beauty that Anna saw in that girl who also lost her mom.

Dario thinks about Mommy

Last Tuesday March 13th Dario began asking very early in the morning for new Mommy pictures. Unfortunately at that moment it was hectic in the classroom, and I couldn't figure out where we'd get new Mommy Pictures. Later that day it occurred to me to check the blog. He was so excited to see new photos of his Mommy. We printed them and added them to the growing collection. Dario spread them all out on the table while he cut some pieces of paper for Mommy.

That same day we'd gone for outing to St.John the Divine and Dario was thinking about the time we found a flower for Mommy in the Rose Garden. Sadly the Rose Garden was under construction (as well as the playground). We thought for a long time about where Dario could get another flower for Mommy. While we were cutting and printing pictures a Room One Family brought us a bouquet of flowers for curriculum night. Dario looked through all the flowers and chose a red rose for his Mommy. He asked me to take photos of him with the flower, and he spoke about he thought "Mommy likes this flower right?"

The Mommy Flower

Damp and overcast day. Too warm and the air too thick to be November. Hair curls. Kids run. They leave their coats and hats in our waiting arms. Let's play chase. The Rose Garden at the Cathedral of St.John the Divine is leafless, seemingly barren. The play area clearly marked by spongy AstroTurf. We say, "Do not run past the red!". Each child in his or her own way finds a means of extending the boundaries of the turf. Will and Lara find an interesting pile of mud, stuck with leaves yellow and gold. Kai finds a green bench and loses his too big red rain boots. Ava chases her shadow in circles. Dario spins and dances turning purposefully towards the off limits rose garden.
'Dario come back! Remember to stay in the red!' I say.
'But I need to get that flower for mommy!'
What flower? The garden appears bare of roses.

Dario rejoins his peers and finds a special stick. He sings and dances the stick into a a large bush as another child takes off running for the rose garden. "Stop!" is not heard but felt when I have caught him myself in the middle of the rose garden. I see to my surprise, the flower for mommy. Pale pink spray rose still blooming small and steady on a very pale vine. Without hesitation I pick the flower and gingerly carry it and the child back to Dario.

'Look Dario, I found your mommy flower!'
'Oh! My mommy flower!'
Dario smiles and takes it quickly into his hands and begins to sniff the sweetness of this autumn rose.
'Look! Look! Do you want to see the flower for my mommy?' He excitedly asks his friends as he passes the small stem around to his eager peers. The stem begins to break. I carry it carefully back to school.

We water the rose in a clear plastic dixie cup. 'The water is for your mommy flower to drink when it gets thirsty'.

The Mommy flower sits by Dario at lunch and snack each day for the next week. He asks to see it frequently and carefully holds the cup in two hands as he sticks his nose in the petals. He continues to share this gift. ' Do you want to see my special Mommy flower?'

It's a rose. And yes, yes we all want to see the flower you picked for your mommy.
The rose drinks the water , it's petals soften and begin to brown. Do not despair there are more roses in the cathedral garden. And flowers are a good way for you to think about your mommy and remember her.
'Yeah! We can go back to the garden and pick mommy more flowers'.

The Many Faces of Anna

This email is from one of Anna's teachers from Bank St.

Hi Nina Nina, David Wolkenberg here, Anna's teacher when she was in the 5-6's at Bank Street. I was at the memorial today. It was so interesting for me to hear what was said about her. Some of it corresponded to my memories of her, and some significant qualities did not. I found her to be very caring, very kind, very gentle, very supportive, very helpful, and sort of quiet, sort of in repose. Very beautiful eyes. When Anna looked at you, you had been looked into. I never saw the warrior, the overt intensity, the occasional ferocity.

At Bank Street, teachers had individual meetings with each child's parents. One in the fall, and one in the spring, toward the end of the school. Parent Conferences they were (are) called. I very distinctly remember one aspect of my meetings with Dora and Tony. When I described how she was in the classroom, her (your) parents were incredulous. "She never yells or screams," was their question. "She never shouts or gets furious?" "No, she is very even and steady." Dora and Tony described some of the goings on at home, and I observed that she was very different in school. She wasn't tense or inhibited or constrained. She was very relaxed and peaceful. We were very fond of each other.

So, I heard again today the Anna not in my classroom. I loved hearing it. I retired in June of 2001 after 30 years of teaching at Bank Street. Always the 5's-6's, always in the same classroom. I have maintained contact with the school. A couple of years ago someone told me that Anna LoBianco was working there. I was frequently on the verge of going to visit her, or at least emailing her, to make a connection with the adult Anna. I didn't. I'm very reluctant to come in on a person's life when I had a relationship her/him years ago. So, the possibility has irrevocably passed, and I am very sorry about that. I went rooting through my Bank Street photographs, thinking I had a class picture when I was Anna's teacher. I found it, scanned it, and here it is.

The attachment, the photo, is not very sharp because the original isn't. I played around with it a little in Adobe Photoshop but that didn't work out. A fuzzy photo cannot be made clearer, it just becomes worse. Having lived through various deaths I know that the excruciating pain takes a very long time to diminish, even just a little.

So my heart goes out to you. You are in for a rough time.
Best
David

(As if it wasn't perfectly obvious, Anna is center row, third from the right...And there's Paulette, bottom row, all the way to the right.)