Old Videos from Noah

Anna's dreams

This Sunday marks two long years of missing Anna. This is a hard week of remembering, because the memories are the painful details of two years ago. But summer is here, and Anna was summer...we all have zillions of summer Anna memories. Here is a list of her dreams that I found in one of her journals. Summer dreams, all (well, except for snowboarding and the Knicks!)...

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Hiking on the salmon river
Oregon coast – hike in to fields sleep listen for seals
B’way shows – annie a chorus line, Oklahoma
Spend every summer on the beach
Snowboard
Do Puzzles
Have BBQs on summer evenings
Dance in summer rain
Watch for Oregon rainbows
Ride bikes – long rides too and camping
Read Charlotte’s Web together
Go see outdoor music concerts
Crafts: tie dye, batik, potato prints, make t-shirts make jewelry
Eat dinner together and talk about our days
Write/tell stories
Drive cross country
Play wiffleball
Go to a Knicks game
Go to a Mets/Yankees game

Mostly now I am worried I am not living full enough – where are my mountains, oceans, hikes, camping, ice-cold water, swims, running dogs, spicy foods, shining sun, snow boarding, organic salsa + chips + large pine trees
I crave these things
Sharing the love and joy of these experiences

I too want to live as madly as deeply as I can

Be so acutely aware of love and small pleasures – savoring the moments

Still able to be radical, and live freely, and still feel connected to the earth – the beautiful earth.

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Ruby and Dario, these are the things she did with you, and the things she wanted to spend 100 years doing with you. You are her love and joy.

The picture at the top of this post is from the forest in Oregon where a bunch of us (including Chico, Ruby, and Dario) are going camping this summer. We'll be sure to post pictures of us in this very spot looking for amphibians and rainbows!

just thinking about her today...

thinking how much she would have liked that ruby went on all the scariest rides at the south salem carnival without batting an eyelash.

thinking how proud she would be of what a great reader ruby is.

thinking how she would like to know that dario was the only one who helped plant my little vegetable garden, and is the only one who is truly delighted to see red tomatoes.

thinking how happy she would be to know that dario doesn't have to go for a heart check up for 6 months! (his longest between check ups, yet!)

thinking how unfair it is that she won't meet otis or her new nephew(when he is born).

thinking she should be in Fire Island right now in the rain with chiq and her kids.

just thinking about her today...

Pictures from Alicia

To go with her recent stories.






To go with her recent stories.

Stories from Maud

Right after D was born I moved into a new apartment. Anna was the kind of mom who would go anywhere with her kids so even though D was just a little baby and I had no furniture she came downtown on the subway for a visit with Ali and Phoebe. I think Amy might have come too. We all sat on the floor taking turns holding baby Dario and then he took a nice nap on my air mattress (I didn't even have a bed yet!). Afterwards, I felt much more at home in that apartment.

Another quick one--Anna was always so proud of how smart Dario is. Whenever I would say, "I can't believe how much Dario is talking or how good he is at singing songs" or whatever it might be, Anna would get this huge smile on her face and beam at Dario and say, "I know" and Dario would smile back his cuter than cute smile which would make Anna smile even bigger and brighter. It was a very beautiful smile fest!

Love, m

Little Man. Rrubah. Chico.

I can hear her voice so clearly in my head that sometimes it scares me.
The way she called Dario, Little Man.
The way she called Ruby, Rrubah.
And Chiq, Chico with her Spanish twang.
When I read things she wrote, it's like she is standing right next to me. I can hear her that crystal clear in my brain.

Hannah, today that grief hole is swallowing me whole.

For Dario, From Alicia

I came to NYC to visit Anna when Dario was about 8 months old. I couldn't believe how beautiful he was with his big long eyelashes. We spent a lot of time just lounging on the bed with Ruby--all three of us snuggling Dario. Ruby loved Dario so much and would say things like, "Dario is the best name ever!" She was really good with her brother, she seemed to love the role of snuggly cuddler and big sister protectress.

Anna told me that when she when the doctors told her about Dario's heart condition she thought to herself, "my life will never be the same again."

I was really impressed with Dario's class at Bank Street. Anna put Dario in the baby front pack and off we went to catch the bus, Ruby dancing ahead of us the whole way in her rainbow skirt and "Dump Bush!" t-shirt. Dario sat in the circle with Anna and sang the welcome song. He was only eight months old! but he clearly loved school and I remember how Anna would breast feed him in the back room. When we left him at school he was in the little croissant pillow propped up and when we came back he was the still propped up clapping his hands and having a grand time! It had been over four hours!

Anna loved being a mom so much.

For Hanukkah she told me she lit the candles on her bicycle-menorah with the kids and said a funny blessing: "Baruch Hanukkah biking candles shalom" -- something like that.

When we were in college Anna was doing some kind of college service work for whatever reason and it involved having lunch with potential students who were visiting for the day. I remember that she was really impressed by one girl whose mother had died when the girl was very young. Anna was impressed by how serious, mature, and strong she seemed. After their lunch Anna really wanted to talk about the girl and how she'd been so moved by her. Anna linked the girl's impressive integrity to the death of her mother and having to go through that at such a young age. I think that was pretty unusual--for someone to make such an impression on Anna. I think about it now and think about how proud Anna would be of Dario and Ruby--and of course Chiq. For how brave they are. And I hope it will give the kids the diamond pure strength and beauty that Anna saw in that girl who also lost her mom.

Anna Lo is a Right-On Mama

"Iraqi babies deserve to grow up too."
"Iraqi mommies deserve to see their babies grow up too."
...and I think Chiq had an 'Iraqi Daddies' shirt. Can't remember which march these shirts were for, I just remember them all freezing and proud. How many marches did Anna take Ruby to?

The other shirt is
"Save your soul and your country
Dump Bush
Vote Kerry"
I think that was just for every day wear.

What were the other anti- bush tees that she had? She had, ahem, Quite A Few.

Here is a blurrrrry pic of A Lo and B Lo- that's Ruby Avila at home in New Yawk a few years ago. It's storytelling with Ru- I believe she is hamming it up for the benefit of her Mama, Jody and Denk and me- we are on the sofa facing her. Oh Ma looks so proud of her little star... then, for her closing act, Ruby slammed the book shut, rolled back, kicked her legs in the air and flashed the audience... proving she's a real Lobianco with nothing to hide.

viva la revolucion

[This was an email that Anna sent out to the family on August 30,2004]

Although I have no photos (because I am digital phobic) I wanted to report
in from the massive protest yesterday. Did any of my fine family join me?
The sun was beating down but Ruby and I made our way among the (at least 500,000) people- chanting and marveling at the array of folks- moms, anarchists, fags, upper west side liberals and lots of commies. Could "no more years" be a reality? We can only dream. . .
Some of our favorite signs: more dior less war, the worst president we never elected, bomb Texas- they have oil too, No CARBS- cheney, ashcroft, rumsfeld, Bush (and Rice.) and my #1- a picture of Edwards and Kerry with "They suck less"

Of course Ruby's shirt was a hit:
Republicans, republicans go away. Don't come back another day.

viva la revolucion!
love, love anna

superhero

My first memory of her is when she grabbed the mic. in assembly during a discussion of how we felt about the fact that the administration had announced they were going to call the parents of any kids they heard were having unchaperoned parties on the weekends, and thundered,
"IF YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE GONNA DESTROY THE BOND OF TRUST I HAVE WITH MY PARENTS!!!! It's UP TO ME TO TELL MY PARENTS IF I'M GONNA HAVE A PARTY! YOU CAN"T DESTROY THE TRUST!!!!" She was two years older than me, a junior, and I was a freshman...well, you remember how it was at that age--she might as well have been a superhero. I was always friends with some of her friends in high school—Noah and Adam, Phoebe and John Hamburg. Then, after college I became very close with Ali Marsh..so, I've been a degree removed but also always around her for most of our lives. And I have to say, she’s the only person I ever knew who could still, just by her very presence, make me feel like an intimidated 15 year-old trying to make friends. And that bond with her parents she insisted upon in assembly, and with her family as a whole was strongly in evidence when I happened to be seated behind you guys at her Dalton graduation. I will never forget how loud you clapped and how wildly you cheered. Completely disregarding the initial warnings to keep applause until the very end, you guys went nuts, and it was amazing. I remember so clearly thinking to myself (an only child with very few relatives): now that’s a family.

One of the last times I saw her was actually a night that a bunch of us had gathered at Ali’s house because Adam was in town...so just like high school it was me and a lot of ‘seniors.’ But it was great-- Maud initiated this game where we all had to say what one TV show we watched in secrecy, loving it but totally ashamed. I can’t remember anyone’s answer but I remember how we bonded through the absurdity of what we privately loved. I remember Anna showing me pictures of Ruby and Dario (on another night at Ali’s a few years earlier, when Ruby was just a baby, I spent most of the night in the bedroom holding her and marveling at what great parents she and chiq were, and how amazingly she was just the same Anna, but with a baby now) and how proud she seemed, but in a quiet way. That night we shared a cab home and chatted, about nothing in particular as we flew up the West Side. I remember thinking as I got out, before her, and headed home, that that was probably the first time in 17 years I felt really at ease with Anna. It turned out that she had been diagnosed that day. I never got over how genuinely happy she seemed that night, even though she knew she had breast cancer.

I guess the thing about Anna that strikes me most is how complete of a person she was at such a young age, and then always. In Portland, in New York, with a baby, with two, with cancer... she had this incredible sense of self, so sturdy, so strong, which is I think so hard for most of us to find, especially as women, and which many of us spend our entire lives searching for. We weren’t close, Anna and I, but she absolutely affected me and has already inspired me to go back to working with kids as a court appointed special advocate. Really, it was something I had trained to do, but let go of, until her memorial service which moved me so, I felt an obligation to honor her memory by taking action on behalf of the kinds of kids she clearly spent her time working with and fighting for.

Nina, I cant begin to imagine the depth of your loss, but my thoughts and prayers have been and will continue to be with you and the rest of your amazing family.

From my heart,
Amanda Guinzburg

[Amanda sent this (and the above picture from Ali's 35th birthday party) to me on 7/30/06 and this p.s. on 2/20/07:]

I wanted to add a little something to this, which is that after that assembly my little freshman friends and I lived in awestruck fear of the power and legend that had instantly become Anna. We were certain in addition to being extremely vocal and strong-willed she had to be...well, mean. Later that year a couple of my friends made it onto the Varsity Softball team and that season the team got to go to Florida for some reason. Well, somehow my anxious little buddies (in my mind they actually are tiny, like lilliputtianly small) wound up having to room with Anna..needless to say they left NYC in terror. And, as it will surprise no one here, I'm sure, I have a vivid memory of the first words they said upon their return: "Anna LoBianco is SO NICE!" They proceeded to regale me with stories of her generosity and warmth and humor. And they wore her friendship like the badge of honor I now know it really was.
--Amanda

The Mommy Flower

Damp and overcast day. Too warm and the air too thick to be November. Hair curls. Kids run. They leave their coats and hats in our waiting arms. Let's play chase. The Rose Garden at the Cathedral of St.John the Divine is leafless, seemingly barren. The play area clearly marked by spongy AstroTurf. We say, "Do not run past the red!". Each child in his or her own way finds a means of extending the boundaries of the turf. Will and Lara find an interesting pile of mud, stuck with leaves yellow and gold. Kai finds a green bench and loses his too big red rain boots. Ava chases her shadow in circles. Dario spins and dances turning purposefully towards the off limits rose garden.
'Dario come back! Remember to stay in the red!' I say.
'But I need to get that flower for mommy!'
What flower? The garden appears bare of roses.

Dario rejoins his peers and finds a special stick. He sings and dances the stick into a a large bush as another child takes off running for the rose garden. "Stop!" is not heard but felt when I have caught him myself in the middle of the rose garden. I see to my surprise, the flower for mommy. Pale pink spray rose still blooming small and steady on a very pale vine. Without hesitation I pick the flower and gingerly carry it and the child back to Dario.

'Look Dario, I found your mommy flower!'
'Oh! My mommy flower!'
Dario smiles and takes it quickly into his hands and begins to sniff the sweetness of this autumn rose.
'Look! Look! Do you want to see the flower for my mommy?' He excitedly asks his friends as he passes the small stem around to his eager peers. The stem begins to break. I carry it carefully back to school.

We water the rose in a clear plastic dixie cup. 'The water is for your mommy flower to drink when it gets thirsty'.

The Mommy flower sits by Dario at lunch and snack each day for the next week. He asks to see it frequently and carefully holds the cup in two hands as he sticks his nose in the petals. He continues to share this gift. ' Do you want to see my special Mommy flower?'

It's a rose. And yes, yes we all want to see the flower you picked for your mommy.
The rose drinks the water , it's petals soften and begin to brown. Do not despair there are more roses in the cathedral garden. And flowers are a good way for you to think about your mommy and remember her.
'Yeah! We can go back to the garden and pick mommy more flowers'.