Friday, June 29, 2007
What to say?
I don't know - it's the anniversary of Anna's death today, although it really felt to me like it was yesterday, since it all started happening on the afternoon and evening of the 28th. Anyway, kind of weird for no one to say anything about it, so I'm just putting it out there, although I'm starting to feel like I'm posting way too much over here - but somebody's got to do it. Maybe a day goes by I don't think of Anna, maybe. But I don't think so, and if so, not by much. Feels so long ago, feels like yesterday. I'm waiting for it to feel okay and it definitely doesn't, and maybe it never will, but I know it will feel more okay than it does now. I also have just been thinking about what a milestone this is for Chiq - a year - he's done it, taken care of Ruby and Dario, and Dario's surgery, and all of the daily struggles of raising two small kids in Manhattan - for a year - all while suffering from his own incredible grief. That's something, it really is. He is so strong. Like Anna - did what had to be done, no matter what. I admire that.
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3 comments:
Hannah, don't stop writing here. I value every word, even the painful ones. And so will Ruby and Dario someday. Don't stop. It's important.
I hope others will write too, when they are ready.
Or even when they are not.
Dario wrote a letter to Mommy on Friday. He wasn't particularly angry or sad that day, just hyper and jumpy and prone to quick bursts of frustration. Today is the same. So we wrote the letter, and looked at her pictures and talked about how she's still his Mommy even though she died. I said it made me sad and he said "because you want me to be able to play with her?". Yes, that's exactly why.
He is sitting on my lap right now and says "Mommy is so Special. I Love you".
hannah i second nina, don't stop writing. writing is not so good from me. but i'll try to post more -- and i promise to remaster the lovebutt recordings and the DEA recordings.
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