My first memory of her is when she grabbed the mic. in assembly during a discussion of how we felt about the fact that the administration had announced they were going to call the parents of any kids they heard were having unchaperoned parties on the weekends, and thundered,
"IF YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE GONNA DESTROY THE BOND OF TRUST I HAVE WITH MY PARENTS!!!! It's UP TO ME TO TELL MY PARENTS IF I'M GONNA HAVE A PARTY! YOU CAN"T DESTROY THE TRUST!!!!" She was two years older than me, a junior, and I was a freshman...well, you remember how it was at that age--she might as well have been a superhero. I was always friends with some of her friends in high school—Noah and Adam, Phoebe and John Hamburg. Then, after college I became very close with Ali Marsh..so, I've been a degree removed but also always around her for most of our lives. And I have to say, she’s the only person I ever knew who could still, just by her very presence, make me feel like an intimidated 15 year-old trying to make friends. And that bond with her parents she insisted upon in assembly, and with her family as a whole was strongly in evidence when I happened to be seated behind you guys at her Dalton graduation. I will never forget how loud you clapped and how wildly you cheered. Completely disregarding the initial warnings to keep applause until the very end, you guys went nuts, and it was amazing. I remember so clearly thinking to myself (an only child with very few relatives): now that’s a family.
One of the last times I saw her was actually a night that a bunch of us had gathered at Ali’s house because Adam was in town...so just like high school it was me and a lot of ‘seniors.’ But it was great-- Maud initiated this game where we all had to say what one TV show we watched in secrecy, loving it but totally ashamed. I can’t remember anyone’s answer but I remember how we bonded through the absurdity of what we privately loved. I remember Anna showing me pictures of Ruby and Dario (on another night at Ali’s a few years earlier, when Ruby was just a baby, I spent most of the night in the bedroom holding her and marveling at what great parents she and chiq were, and how amazingly she was just the same Anna, but with a baby now) and how proud she seemed, but in a quiet way. That night we shared a cab home and chatted, about nothing in particular as we flew up the West Side. I remember thinking as I got out, before her, and headed home, that that was probably the first time in 17 years I felt really at ease with Anna. It turned out that she had been diagnosed that day. I never got over how genuinely happy she seemed that night, even though she knew she had breast cancer.
I guess the thing about Anna that strikes me most is how complete of a person she was at such a young age, and then always. In Portland, in New York, with a baby, with two, with cancer... she had this incredible sense of self, so sturdy, so strong, which is I think so hard for most of us to find, especially as women, and which many of us spend our entire lives searching for. We weren’t close, Anna and I, but she absolutely affected me and has already inspired me to go back to working with kids as a court appointed special advocate. Really, it was something I had trained to do, but let go of, until her memorial service which moved me so, I felt an obligation to honor her memory by taking action on behalf of the kinds of kids she clearly spent her time working with and fighting for.
Nina, I cant begin to imagine the depth of your loss, but my thoughts and prayers have been and will continue to be with you and the rest of your amazing family.
From my heart,
Amanda Guinzburg
[
Amanda sent this (and the above picture from Ali's 35th birthday party) to me on 7/30/06 and this p.s. on 2/20/07:]
I wanted to add a little something to this, which is that after that assembly my little freshman friends and I lived in awestruck fear of the power and legend that had instantly become Anna. We were certain in addition to being extremely vocal and strong-willed she had to be...well, mean. Later that year a couple of my friends made it onto the Varsity Softball team and that season the team got to go to Florida for some reason. Well, somehow my anxious little buddies (in my mind they actually are tiny, like lilliputtianly small) wound up having to room with Anna..needless to say they left NYC in terror. And, as it will surprise no one here, I'm sure, I have a vivid memory of the first words they said upon their return: "Anna LoBianco is SO NICE!" They proceeded to regale me with stories of her generosity and warmth and humor. And they wore her friendship like the badge of honor I now know it really was.
--Amanda
