I still miss your hugs.

I keep dreaming about Anna. Anyone else? It's almost 3 yrs. and I feel like it's only now hitting me fully. Like someone said then: I'd have sooner believed she'd have a Nobel Peace Prize by now than this. I miss her and I thank her for constantly reminding me to be grateful. It just makes no sense at all.

I keep reading about the new production of "Hair" and thinking that I'd drag her to go with me so we could relive our nights watching the movie at my apt. Maybe we should rally a group and go?

Times are tough for everybody but every time I catch myself complaining, I think what she'd tell me: "Suck it up boy." And then I think that it's a luxury to even have tough times. I wish she hadn't taught me that. But she did. I love you Anna and I know it's so selfish- but I could use one of your amazing full-bosomed hugs.

Obama Anna

Anna how I wish you had been here to celebrate with us this week this most historic and joyful moment. You would have loved Obama, this I know, and I thought about you so much on election night as I was experiencing that unadulterated joy, running around in my yard in the rain w/fairy wings on, screaming "Obama," and calling everyone close to me to share the joy. I so wanted to talk to you. You'd be pissed about prop 8, but how happy you would be for your children (both Ruby and Dario, as well as all those you taught over the years) to see this brown man elected as pres - and in NC too of all places!

Lovebutt Junior Reunion

We had an amazing summer reunion in August. The Bleyle-Landeys, Avila-LoBiancos, Cohen-Fishers, Denkewalter, Mr. Johns, and Auntie Cynthia Star were all there. We rented a huge cabin outside Salem, Oregon in protected forest lands. We sang songs, ate great hippie food that Anna would have LOVED, played "old growth fir, spotted owl, and flying squirrel" (which is like complicated tag). Brave Ruby is the only one who conquered the cold and swam in the beautiful crystal river.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/12616997@N07/sets/72157607454026928/

http://landey.smugmug.com/gallery/5919219_GNXiT

A Day in the Park

Ruby's first Strawberry Lemonade at Cafe Lalo

Two Years Today

Miss eating and laughing with you, sister.

Anna's dreams

This Sunday marks two long years of missing Anna. This is a hard week of remembering, because the memories are the painful details of two years ago. But summer is here, and Anna was summer...we all have zillions of summer Anna memories. Here is a list of her dreams that I found in one of her journals. Summer dreams, all (well, except for snowboarding and the Knicks!)...

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Hiking on the salmon river
Oregon coast – hike in to fields sleep listen for seals
B’way shows – annie a chorus line, Oklahoma
Spend every summer on the beach
Snowboard
Do Puzzles
Have BBQs on summer evenings
Dance in summer rain
Watch for Oregon rainbows
Ride bikes – long rides too and camping
Read Charlotte’s Web together
Go see outdoor music concerts
Crafts: tie dye, batik, potato prints, make t-shirts make jewelry
Eat dinner together and talk about our days
Write/tell stories
Drive cross country
Play wiffleball
Go to a Knicks game
Go to a Mets/Yankees game

Mostly now I am worried I am not living full enough – where are my mountains, oceans, hikes, camping, ice-cold water, swims, running dogs, spicy foods, shining sun, snow boarding, organic salsa + chips + large pine trees
I crave these things
Sharing the love and joy of these experiences

I too want to live as madly as deeply as I can

Be so acutely aware of love and small pleasures – savoring the moments

Still able to be radical, and live freely, and still feel connected to the earth – the beautiful earth.

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Ruby and Dario, these are the things she did with you, and the things she wanted to spend 100 years doing with you. You are her love and joy.

The picture at the top of this post is from the forest in Oregon where a bunch of us (including Chico, Ruby, and Dario) are going camping this summer. We'll be sure to post pictures of us in this very spot looking for amphibians and rainbows!