Otis, my son (!), came 15 days early on August 13th. Of course I thought about Anna throughout my pregnancy and wished almost every day that I could be sharing the experience w/ her and asking her advice.
When I found out that I had to have a c-section b/c Otis was breech. I was bummed, especially as it was all happening so fast (I was in active labor). And although I don't recomend a c-section, I did take some comfort in thinking that Anna had two and I imagined that her experience w/ ruby was a litle like mine w/ Otis (i.e., not a scheduled or pre-planned situation). Strange as it may sound, the fact that I had a c-section makes me feel closer to Anna, something we share from afar.
Also, I guess I always thought that I'd probably have a girl, but thanks largely to Dario, having a boy feels less strange than I think it would have otherwise.
Love,
Maud
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Anna and Lucian
I'm pregnant with Anna's nephew, very pregnant, nine months pregnant. My due date is today and I've been anxiously wondering when this new little man will make his entrance. I've been thinking about Anna a lot these last few weeks, wanting to call her, to complain about the heat, the weight of my belly, my fears about having two kids.
I went to pregnancy yoga yesterday, hoping to get things moving. Anna would love this place. It's very hippie-groovy, with chanting and singing, dancing to Indian music, but also athletic-- some really hard yoga too. At the end of the class, we lie in savasana, a pose of total relaxation. I always try to take time to imagine Lucian, to connect my mind with his, my heart with his. I was concentrating on him and imagining his little head, and wondering why he was taking so long, why he hadn't come out yet. Suddenly, I had an image of Anna holding him, squeezing him and kissing him right on the lips. I immediately felt how safe he was with her, and knew why he hadn't come; who would want to leave Anna's hug? I asked her to give him her strength, her determination, her sense of humor, her love, her magnetism. *
I like to imagine them existing somewhere together in the inbetween. Kiss Anna for me, Lucian.
* As I wrote these words, the house began to shake very slightly. I went on line and found this:
"A microearthquake occurred at 10:31:15 AM (PDT) on Sunday, September 2, 2007. The magnitude 2.5 event occurred 13 km (8 miles) WNW of Lake Elsinore, CA."
It must not have been Anna; she'd never be a microearthquake.
I went to pregnancy yoga yesterday, hoping to get things moving. Anna would love this place. It's very hippie-groovy, with chanting and singing, dancing to Indian music, but also athletic-- some really hard yoga too. At the end of the class, we lie in savasana, a pose of total relaxation. I always try to take time to imagine Lucian, to connect my mind with his, my heart with his. I was concentrating on him and imagining his little head, and wondering why he was taking so long, why he hadn't come out yet. Suddenly, I had an image of Anna holding him, squeezing him and kissing him right on the lips. I immediately felt how safe he was with her, and knew why he hadn't come; who would want to leave Anna's hug? I asked her to give him her strength, her determination, her sense of humor, her love, her magnetism. *
I like to imagine them existing somewhere together in the inbetween. Kiss Anna for me, Lucian.
* As I wrote these words, the house began to shake very slightly. I went on line and found this:
"A microearthquake occurred at 10:31:15 AM (PDT) on Sunday, September 2, 2007. The magnitude 2.5 event occurred 13 km (8 miles) WNW of Lake Elsinore, CA."
It must not have been Anna; she'd never be a microearthquake.
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